- If I had any prior doubt about how truly blessed I am, yesterday's crisis leaves me doubtless: My wife and I had our scheduled hot air balloon ride cancelled because the weather was too good (does that mean it was "clement"?)
- The light over our staircase has been burnt out for a very long time. I am haunted by dreams where I fumble about in the dark trying to turn on lights throughout our house and they're all burnt out. These dreams started when that staircase light went dark. So, why didn't I just change it in all the time that's passed? Because it's positioned directly over an opening that stretches all the way to the basement, and it's got a heavy glass fixture. I am simply unequipped (literally and emotionally) to reach out over the chasm of death, remove the heavy glass fixture, carefully unscrew a dead light bulb, somehow screw in a new bulb (while dangling precariously two stories above the basement ceramics holding a heavy glass fixture and a spent bulb), replace the fixture, and make it safely back to land. And, by the way, with Angie there to help me, I would have had to wait in that precarious position while she dusted the inside of the fixture and all around the frame since one can never miss the opportunity to dust an open fixture. Well. Yesterday, inspired by my impending hot air balloon ride, I decided it was time to change the bulb. I brought the step ladder to the precipice, reached out to start unscrewing the fixture, and the thought occurred to me that maybe I could just reach over the fixture and replace the bulb without removing it. I could. I did. It was over in 30 seconds flat. How many Davids does it take to change a light bulb? Just one my friend. Just one.
- Earlier in the weekend, a tarantulaesque (yes, spell check, that's a word) spider showed up in the garage. It was playing dead on the doorway to the outside, so I let it have its little fun and slipped casually back into the house. The next day, I caught it in its lie. Oh giant spider, did you really expect me to believe that your corpse had moved all by itself from the door to the floor of the garage? With that incontrovertible evidence that the creature still breathed (do giant spiders breathe?), it was now time for decisive action. "Mom!", I shouted, "There's a giant dead spider here in the garage that you should remove post-haste!" (Mom and Dad were over this weekend, don't you know). As Mom bravely reached down to remove the beast (still playing dead) paper towel in hand, she had a fortuitous second thought and decided to confirm that it was in fact dead by gently squishing it beneath her slipper. Just then, the horrendous thing jumped up, spitting and snarling, red eyes flashing with fury, and Mom (dear Mom, the bravest of the brave), finished the monster with an instinctual stomp. Then she gently scooped up its remains and dropped it into the previously empty garbage pail. It landed with an audible thud. A thud, I tell you.
- I went to Home Depot to buy some stuff. Amongst other items, I wanted to buy a new ladder (this was before the amazing stairway light bulb feat of which I earlier gave account). I was hoping they'd show me two and I'd have a chance to say: "While I like the former, I'll take the ladder." It didn't go down that way. I didn't, in fact, buy a ladder at all. I did, however, successfully buy two big bags of sand. This was special magic sand that is used to seal cracks in walkways. You pour it onto the walkway, sweep it into the cracks, wet it, and it hardens into an impenetrable seal. Right before I bought it, I asked one of those very helpful Home Depot guys to confirm that I had the right product for the job. He snickered and said, "No, that's concrete. But I'd love to come watch you use that to seal your walkway." I used to feel safe in Home Depot. Now its magnificent hallways echo with the sound of scorn.
- Speaking of scorn, the Blue Jays played their last game of the season this weekend. We all said we'd be happy with meaningful games in September. What we meant is that we'd be happy with meaningful games played well. If the Blue Jays were a giant spider, September was my Mother's slipper.
Change that bulb (if it's easy)! Stomp that spider (or get someone else to)! Ride that balloon (unless it's cancelled)! Buy that sand (but ask for help first)! And make all of your September games meaningful (even if you aren't up to the task of winning them until all of the pressure's off)! Don't let anything stop you from achieving your goals, unless they're just too big for you. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step; or you can just get into your car and drive it, or let someone else go and tell you how it was.
Have an okay week.
