With all three of my daughters, the first time we held hands was within moments of their birth:
Daddy offering an index finger to a skinny, naked, newly-formed person; daughter instinctively grabbing on for dear life (and it's not often those words "grabbing on for dear life" are said and literally meant); and Daddy, again, wrapping the rest of his hand around her tiny, perfect fist.
If there's a first imprinting moment between father and child, it's got to be that one.
Then there's the learning-to-walk phase too soon later. Again, holding on for dear life, the fledgling walker grasps Daddy's hand and wobbles and stumbles and teeters sideways, then forwards, before Daddy's other hand swoops in to restore order. And then, too soon later, one hand is enough. And then no hands (a celebratory moment of independence that also brings an overwhelming melancholy), and my daughter no longer needs my hand to make her way in the world.
But she really does. And we hold hands to cross the street. And when it's dark and scary. And when it's crowded. And when it's cold. And when we just want to because it's comforting and safe. For both of us.
And then, I remember with each daughter, a moment where it's more exciting (for her) to only hold hands when it's a must. I reach for a hand, it comes, and then it's gone again because it can be. Like getting jilted, but not like that at all. Just the new normal.
And then, a golden era of holding hands again because she is still young enough to be seen doing that and old enough to relish the bond and choose it over the available freedom.
I'm there now with my youngest. We're walking anywhere, it's safe, it's bright, and I subtly offer my hand with a sweeping gesture (that could easily be pulled back if rejected, without betraying that anything had happened) and there it is: Her hand given freely and happily without any good reason but the closeness it brings.
What's nice about having been here before is that I can savour the few years of this that I have before the onset of pre-teen and teens, and the mortification of being caught holding Daddy's hand (or later, being seen with him at all) when friends are around.
When that happens, I'll be crushed again but I'll know that it's just a thing replaced by sitting close on the couch watching a show, or sad and lonely phone calls in the night when she just needs to hear Daddy's voice, or working in the same room just to be in the same room, or hugs when we see each other and leave each other. I'll take what I can get.
But it will never be easy to watch any of the three hold someone else's hand. And I won't be able to get a word out, I'm sure, if and when the day comes that someone else is taking their hand in marriage, and I've been asked to say something uplifting and joyful despite a breaking heart.
Still...always there...through each daughter and each phase, is and will be my wife's hand. We joined hands in marriage, we had these three daughters together, we watched them grow, and we've had to say our (temporary) goodbyes to the girls over and over again.
All of which leads me to one simple thought: There is no greater blessing than to have someone's hand you can hold onto for dear life.
Friday, October 28, 2016
Thursday, October 6, 2016
What's Your Air Travel Personality Type? Take this simple quiz...
I recently had occasion to fly with my wife and a couple of neighbours. It made me realize how different people can be very different air-travellers. Based on that experience, I devised this simple quiz to help you identify your own ATPT (air travel personality type), the ATPT of your fellow traveller(s), and how to cope during those times when varying ATPTs travel together...
SECTION A. Online Check-in
At what time do you do the online check-in /seat-selection for your flight?
SECTION C. Customs, Immigration and Security
When forced to travel together, most Type A's can bypass their Type B and Type C counterparts using mechanisms like Elite Status, Elite-privilege Credit Cards, Trusted Traveller Programs, and (when all else fails) sheer force of will.
Type B travellers are fine travelling with others, no matter their type.
Type C travellers don't even know notice the other types of travellers as they make their way on their epic journey through the airport and onto the plane (to the Type C, a Type A is a ghostly figure speeding by leaving only a small gust of wind and a high-pitched buzz). Sometimes, their fellow travellers are handy for watching the Type C's bags when they go to the bathroom at boarding time.
The Quiz
SECTION A. Online Check-in
At what time do you do the online check-in /seat-selection for your flight?
- The second the clock strikes 24-hours prior to the flight (with help from the alarm I set for precisely that time).
- When I get around to it, or at the airport if I haven't had a chance to do it earlier.
- Wait. There's a way to check in online?
When do you select the seat you'll be sitting in?
- At the time I purchase my ticket, and I'm always in 12C if I'm flying coach. If my admin screws it up, I choose the seat when I check-in online.
- I take what I'm given, then ask at the airport if there's anything better.
- Wait, I get to choose my seat?
Given your preference, what seat do you choose?
- Aisle, so I can get off the plane asap.
- Window or aisle, but it doesn't really matter to me; I'm content either way.
- The one the flight attendant brings me to when someone tells me I'm in the wrong seat.
- As close to the front of the plane as humanly possible. Exit row if nothing else good is open.
- Not too far up and not too far back, but it doesn't really matter to me.
- The one the flight attendant brings me to when someone tells me I'm in the wrong seat.
Which description / duration best fits your experience with Customs and Immigration?
- Nexus/Global Traveler, 2 minutes.
- I wait patiently in line, but it's usually only about 20 minutes.
- Is that the part where they ask you to take off your shoes? That takes a while if I've got laces.
How about Security?
- Nexus/Global Traveler/TSA Pre, 2 minutes.
- Another line, but it's also usually only about 20 minutes. Not bad.
- Oh, that's where I have to take off my shoes. I like to wait until I get to the front because they have a helpful person there to tell me what I have to do. They give me a little bag to put my shampoo in, which I like to keep because then it doesn't spill into my suitcase. They make me put my phone into the little bin thing. Oh yeah, and my laptop. And the shoes of course. Silly me, I always seem to forget to take my water bottle out of my bag before it goes through that x-ray machine, so I have to stand there and finish it. I'm not sure how long it takes, but the last time a guy behind me said it was taking a century.
At what point during the boarding announcement do you get up and join the boarding line?
- Get up? I'm on my feet already and moving as soon as I hear the recorded pre-boarding announcement click on.
- I wait until they've called my zone and the lineup has died down a little.
- I usually wait until the announcement starts, so I know it's time to go to the bathroom.
What's the first thing you do when you arrive at your seat?
- I turn on the entertainment system so it can start loading. While it's doing that, I take out my at-seat package (containing a crossword puzzle, pen, book, earphones, credit card, ...) and put the rest of my stuff in the overhead. By the time I sit, my movie is ready to go.
- I tuck my bag neatly under my seat, sit down, put on my seat belt and await further instructions.
- I sit down and wait with all my stuff in my lap until another passenger shows up and tells me I'm in their seat.
What do you tend to do during the flight?
- I watch as many movies and/or TV shows that fit in the time allotted. (Neat trick: if the seat next to me is empty, I start a second movie on that seat's screen and keep it on pause until I'm done watching the first. Also, going to the airline's website beforehand to find out what movies are on can save you from making a bad choice in the heat of the moment).
- I read the nice magazine they give you in the seat pocket and watch as much of a movie as I can. I sometimes fall asleep.
- I just sit there and stare straight ahead.
How often do you go to the bathroom during a typical flight?
- Once - as soon as the seat belt light goes off and before the service carts come into the aisle.
- Once or twice. But if I've got someone sitting next to me and they're asleep, I'll just hold it.
- Wait. There's a bathroom?
Scoring and what to do about it
Obviously, there are three ATPTs. Those for whom the first answer in each section is the right answer ("Type A"), those for whom the second answer in each section is the right answer ("Type B") and those who shouldn't be travelling and for whom the third answer is consistently right ("Type C").
When forced to travel together, most Type A's can bypass their Type B and Type C counterparts using mechanisms like Elite Status, Elite-privilege Credit Cards, Trusted Traveller Programs, and (when all else fails) sheer force of will.
Type B travellers are fine travelling with others, no matter their type.
Type C travellers don't even know notice the other types of travellers as they make their way on their epic journey through the airport and onto the plane (to the Type C, a Type A is a ghostly figure speeding by leaving only a small gust of wind and a high-pitched buzz). Sometimes, their fellow travellers are handy for watching the Type C's bags when they go to the bathroom at boarding time.
When A's and B's travel together, B's need to understand that they can't and shouldn't try to keep up with the A's. Best to stay out of their way altogether.
B's and C's are more compatible, as both are easy-going about the whole experience, but B's need to recognize the C's vulnerabilities and guide them as best they can (lest they get trampled by the barely visible A's).
When A's and C's travel together, it's not good, and when they are married, it is a recipe for disaster. The C shouldn't be offended when I abandon her as we arrive at the airport only to meet up again after the flight is over.
Happy travels!
Happy travels!
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