Monday, November 2, 2020

Memories of a Pandemic Halloween

Halloween 2020 was that 'once in a blue moon' Halloween that every kid (and every kid-at-heart) dreams of...it was a Saturday with school a distant two days away, the fall weather was crisp - but not too crisp - and clear, a full moon lit up the night sky, and we could all look forward to an extra hour's sleep when it was all over. Sadly, there was also a scary pandemic going on and most people hunkered down in their homes instead of risking the plague-infested streets. 

Not so, here at David's house. 

We decorated the front of our house two weeks ago, knowing full well that only a handful of people would ever see it. We dutifully raked the leaf-strewn yard all week, before realizing that the leaves were themselves simply trying to get into the act by carpeting our display with fall's pallet. We bought candy and chips. Chose costumes. Carved pumpkins. 

We're living on a new street this year, and it already had its own David before we got here. The incumbent David had - also two weeks ago - carefully set up his life-sized Halloween decor, elaborate lighting, and creepy sounds. We spoke - David and David - and conspired that we would each have at least one trick-or-treater drop by on the big night. My one at his house, his three at mine. And we'd commend each other for our setup, have a drink, and toast the greatest night of the year, in a crazy year where the toasts have been too few and far between. 

(You can never have too many Davids on your street, by the way.) 

The wife had also been conspiring earlier in the week - with parents of the little ones that my little one calls friends - and they held an afternoon scavenger hunt in the nearby park. The reward for the kids? Why bags of candy, of course. The reward for the parents? Their kids' unbridled joy (and a nip of Bailey's in the old hot chocolate). 

But with the scavenger hunt over, friends gone home, and dusk falling, it was time to see what the night would bring. We hopped in the car to visit one nearby friend who had also elaborately decorated. Then home for a costume change. And now we waited, primed for some Halloween miracle. Would parents bring their kids around by car, stopping at houses where hard-core Halloweeners signalled their presence? Would small groups come around, foraging for treats? Would someone come? Anyone? Anyone? 

Alas, no. The doorbell never rang. The distant sounds of "TRICK-OR-TREAT" never materialized. Our lawn danced with lights and spooky figures, nodding to the most hallowed of traditions, but the gallery was empty. Our jumping spider sat, waiting, for the little foot that would trigger it to pounce...waiting...waiting. But no foot came. 

(If you'd like to see a short video of our Halloween display, it's here: https://youtu.be/1VslEF9qXF0).

This David would have none of it, grabbed the daughter, and marched off to the home of the other David. From their lawn, we glimpsed them through the door, getting ready to come out our way. We rang the door and they dropped treats in the little one's empty bag. We retreated to our house, and they marched over to the table we had set up with boxes of chips and chocolate, stood on the welcome mat where the jumping spider's footpad trigger waited, and somehow missed the spot. They happily grabbed their treats as I creepily approached from behind to trigger the spider (scaring only their dog). 

The other David told this David that they were going to head out to see who else was shelling out. We decided to join them. Both Davids left their other halves - not better, but other - to guard home base in case an onslaught of laughing children should burst forth from the street (spoiler: it never happened). And off we went. 

Turns out, every street had a few 'Davids', sitting around fires, or out on the porch with steaming mugs of what could only be Bailey's and hot chocolate, waiting for kids to come. The were relieved when they saw us and all too happy to generously fill our bags with thankful portions that would otherwise sit alone, uneaten, uncelebrated, for months to come. 

Our kids, who barely knew each other at the start of the night, ended the night delighted to have made new friends. They shared the bond of spending a most memorable night together. And of course, they shared the bond of being blessed with their very own Davids, who would not sit by and let the greatest night of the year pass unmarked. 

We were safe and careful. We were steadfast. We made the best of a horribly unfair situation. And we created Halloween memories we'll never forget.

Rules or no rules, Halloween rules.

Sunday, April 26, 2020

Ethel and Sam's Brand New Home

In my imagination, they are Ethel and Sam. It is springtime and Ethel's biological clock is ticking so loud, neither one of them can think. The've been looking for the right nesting spot for days now and Ethel's starting to lose hope. But - just in a nick of time - Sam brings back some great news. He has found the home in which they will start their family.



It's a beautiful place, really. Worth the wait. There's cover from the rain. A smooth, clean surface. Warmth. Many strong, but surprisingly light sticks available all around. And best of all, room for more than one nest. Two or three if Sam is counting right (he was never great with math, but more tired than usual these days, waking up early each morning to get a worm or two).



Sam brings Ethel to the spot he's chosen, and she's surprised to see that it's even better than her mate described. She's getting heavy with egg, so Sam's going to have to do most of the work on his own. But he brought her here, he's been a great partner in all things, and he seems to know his way around a nest. She'll sit comfortably by, encourage him with her song, and keep watch out for squirrels and chipmunks and cats.

---

Sam's been labouring all evening and Ethel's impressed with the quality of his work and bursting with love. There'll be some serious pecking tonight in the temporary bush-shelter they've been occupying during the search, and an early start back to their new home in the morning. One more day of his stick-gathering and nest-building, and who knows? Maybe tomorrow night, Ethel will be able to settle in, snug, warm and dry, and prepare for the new arrivals.

Sam's been working so hard, but then Ethel will soon take over, attending to the joyous task of starting a family. She drifts off to sleep, truly serene for the first time in months.

---

Ethel wakes with a gentle nudge from Sam, a quick bit of worm he brought her, and then they're alight, back to finish the nest.

They arrive, but something's horribly wrong...



Where the partially completed nest had been, there's nothing. Everything lies scattered on the ground, including Ethel's hopes and dreams. It's a disaster, and Ethel is ready to give up. But dear Sam says no. He shoulders the blame for poor construction and vows to try again, to take even greater care, to work even harder and faster, and to make this place their home or to die trying. She's not a fan of the idea, but how can she resist his pride and determination?

They begin another long day of home-building.

The new nest is even better than the first. Sam has outdone himself as promised, and tomorrow will be the day they can finish and move in. One more night in the bushes. One more dawn. And then home at last.

---

They return again, with the sun's first rays, and see that the nest, again, lies in ruins.



Sam is heartbroken but gets right back to work. Ethel hangs her head and begins to consider Plan B. What else can she do, but hold on and stand by her man?

On the third morning, both Sam and Ethel are devastated. It's inexplicably happened again.

Sam is broken. Ethel is out of time. Sam looks to her for comfort, but she can't give him anything. They go back to the bushes in silence. Ethel's dad had warned her that Sam was "a hard-working but stupid fucker" and that one day "stupid would be the end of him". Looks like he was right.

---

Back at the scene of devastation, surveying the scene from behind a pane of glass, David and Angie watch the broken birds and their broken marriage. David begins to playfully mock the birds using funny bird voices, as he's done each morning: "Hey Sam," he says in the voice of a female robin (unknowingly choosing the male robin's actual name), "Great idea building our nest on a ceiling fan for a third time, you stupid fucker."

"Well, Ethyl," (again, quite randomly and serendipitiously landing on the female robin's real name, but spelling it wrong), "I don't see you coming up with any other bright ideas. So back the hell off and shut the fuck up."


Angie scornfully asks David if he's having fun. Not because she feels bad for the birds, but because now she has to sweep again. "Why did I marry such a stupid ass? I told him to leave the fucking fan on over night", she thinks to herself. And with that, she gets to work, cleaning up the tattered remains of those little birds' lives. "At least the stupid fucking male bird works hard..."

She should have listened to her father.

---

A parting profundity: "Aren't we all just little robins, building our lives on the blades of ceiling fans?"

Saturday, March 7, 2020

Happy Birthday 11-Year Old

Dear 11-Year Old.

First off, happy birthday.

Ever since you turned 6, I've been writing birthday letters to you. There's lots of other stuff I've written for and about you over the years and I'm hoping this is the year when you start to read all that, but because it's your birthday I'm going to highlight the last bit of each of my previous birthday letters. Why? You'll see.

But first, let me show you the opening paragraph from my first blog post ever:

First Post Ever - September 4, 2012: "There's a lot going on in my life. I've got 3 daughters - two of whom are now off to University. The third one, being only 3, isn't close. That means that my wife and I are dealing with both "Empty Nest Syndrome" and first day of pre-Kindergarten at the same time. Whereas I thought having the little one around would blunt the trauma of losing the other two, it turns out that the opposite is true: The little one (let's call her "Micaela"), is a constant reminder of the other two as small children, and the other two make me very aware of how fleeting it all is.

Now, here are the last few words of each of your birthday letters:

A Letter to My Youngest Daughter: 6 Things to Remember When You're 6 (and older) - March 5, 2015: "I will miss my 5 year old when she becomes 6 in a few days, but I will love you at 6 too. And 7. And forever. See you then."

A Letter to My Youngest Daughter: On Your Last Day as a Six-Year-Old - March 7, 2016: "So that's why we're happy and sad as you turn 7. We'll keep the sad at bay so you don't feel it, but later on when you read this I hope it will make you feel even more love and loved than you do already. Happy birthday my sweetest little girl. Enjoy 7."

A Letter to My Youngest Daughter: Cherish 8 Year-old You - March 7, 2017: "I love you and I can't wait to see the kid you are a year from now and a decade from now. Don't ever, ever, ever, ever, ever hide the 8-year-old away where you (and I) can't find her."

Dear 9-year-old (a letter from a temporarily absent father) - March 8, 2018: "When it comes to parents and children and spending time together, the most important song ever is Cat's in the Cradle by Harry Chapin. I heard that song when I was young, and I swore that wouldn’t happen to me and my kids. Listen to it and you’ll know what I mean. And yet, here I am – missing a birthday because of work. Do not for one minute believe that it means I think there is anything more important than you. Nothing is more important to me and your mom than you and your sisters. And right now – at 9 – while I still have you full-time, and while you still need me (almost) full-time, you are the most important of all. “When you coming home Dad? I don’t know when, but we’ll be together then, Dad.”  That’s what the song says. But this is not Cat's in the Cradle because I do know when I’ll be home – and that’s tomorrow. I promise to give you twice as many hugs and kisses then. In the meantime, I hope you understand. Love you and happy birthday."

And now you are 10 - March 7, 2019: "I will always be there marvelling and looking for superlatives to express my inexpressible love for you. It's been a joy to share your first 10 years and I hope you continue to demand that I share the next 10 as well (not to mention the millennia after that). Happy birthday my Micaela."

Notice anything?

  1. I'm a sap and I'm at my sappiest on my daughters' birthdays (yes, not just yours). I've treasured every moment of every day that I get to spend with you, and I really, really treasure the birthdays.
  2. Not a lot has changed over all these years when it comes to how I feel about you and growing up. 
  3. Time is indeed passing, and fast.
And now you're 11. I told you last night that I wasn't going to write you a public letter this year and you asked "Why not?" I told you that I thought you'd be embarrassed by it and you said you wouldn't. I'm very happy to hear that. I hope you're never embarrassed to have parents (and sisters) who are bursting with love for you.

So I'll keep this short. Here are some Daddy/Daughter highlights from this 11th year of your life:
  • Meditating. As part of the 30-day challenges I started doing in August, September (I think) was meditation. As it turns out, I meditated every night at bed time, but never alone. This was my favourite 30-day challenge because it led to an every-night routine of spending 5-15 minutes lying with you relaxing from the day. As much as you might look forward to that, I assure you that I look forward to it more. 
  • The Fishing Game at Dave and Busters. Oh man. That's our game and we're good at it. Nothing better than working together to catch a whale (or is it a shark?)
  • The Games, Shows and Museums at Niagara Falls. So much fun to be there with you. The only thing more fun than being there alone with you is being there with a certain grown-up friend who is afraid of the mirror maze.
  • Daddy-Daughter Playlists. First there was "53 to the Power of 9", then "54 to the Power of 10", and now we're into "55 to the Power of 11". I love listening to the music together and when you're not around. It always makes me think of you. And Macklemore, of course.
  • Human Fall Flat, 3rd Rock from the Sun, and Impractical Jokers. Nothing better than laughing hysterically with you. No matter what my day's been like, those fits of laughter wash everything else away.

We do so much together and spend so much time together and I fear that with teenage years just around the corner, that's going to end. I sure hope not. I hope you're that rare kid whose feet stay planted firmly on the ground, who never gets embarrassed by your embarrassing family, and who continues to care about everyone around her equally (except her family who she cares about the most).

You are absolutely amazing in every way that someone can be amazing, and I wish you the very best year ever.

So much love...Dad