As we live your lives, we develop defense mechanisms that protect us from encounters with unpleasant and even threatening things. In particular, when a specific encounter results in memorably negative consequences, we tend to learn to avoid that experience in the future. That's why most people only check if a red stove-top burner is hot once. That's why I've only bought my lovely wife a bathroom scale for her birthday once. That's why I'm hoping my daughters will always check and double-check their exam schedules from now on.
I really don't like the feeling of having offended someone. Because I have done it before, I believe that I have developed a sense for those times when offense is looming. So that's when I get careful, paying special attention to the words I'm using and how what I'm saying might be interpreted by the potential offendee. It takes me longer than it has to when I write my blog posts for exactly this reason. I also avoid some topics altogether because there's simply no way to broach them without offending someone.
I call this sense. (That's why I usually write about things like cheese, hats, and kidney stones.)
I call this sense. (That's why I usually write about things like cheese, hats, and kidney stones.)
Today, I'm going out on a limb into potentially dangerous waters (how's that for a mixed metaphor?) to explore a few examples of - and weigh in on - the giving and taking of offense.
Mattel
I don't care how hard you tried to make your new Barbie 'Dolls of the World' line inoffensive, there was just no way you were going to pull this off without offending many, many people. That said, to those who took offense at the stereotypical and insensitive design of the Mexico Barbie (for example), I assume that means you're okay with how Mattel usually depicts women?
People who are Systematically Stripping the English Language of Acceptable Words for Things
One of my daughters, upon having (temporarily) left the nest to get a higher education, reported back to me that there are a whole bunch of words that I use that apparently are no longer politically correct. I can't even list them here lest I offend someone. Suffice it to say that, for example, I no longer have a word I can safely use to belittle someone's intelligence. If I had one, I would apply it to those to whom I refer in this paragraph's title. (Idiots.)
Those who say "No offense, but..."
Do you think that saying "Don't get wet, but..." as you pour a pail of water on your friend's head would keep him or her dry? (It doesn't - trust me.) If you were in a Zombie movie, would you say "Not to make your head explode, or anything..." before dispatching the undead? I think not. But worse than that is people who get offended when told they smell bad (or whatever) after someone has just told them not to be offended. Can't you follow instructions?
Cats and Cat Lovers
In my October 19, 2012 post "A Morning's Musings on Matters of Medium (to small...", I said the following about cats: "Horrible things. Surely they can be made to be more dog-like with a little genetic manipulation?" In retrospect, I realize that my insensitive words may have offended some of you and I would like to apologize. I'm sorry you like cats.People who are Systematically Stripping the English Language of Acceptable Words for Things
One of my daughters, upon having (temporarily) left the nest to get a higher education, reported back to me that there are a whole bunch of words that I use that apparently are no longer politically correct. I can't even list them here lest I offend someone. Suffice it to say that, for example, I no longer have a word I can safely use to belittle someone's intelligence. If I had one, I would apply it to those to whom I refer in this paragraph's title. (Idiots.)
Those who say "No offense, but..."
Do you think that saying "Don't get wet, but..." as you pour a pail of water on your friend's head would keep him or her dry? (It doesn't - trust me.) If you were in a Zombie movie, would you say "Not to make your head explode, or anything..." before dispatching the undead? I think not. But worse than that is people who get offended when told they smell bad (or whatever) after someone has just told them not to be offended. Can't you follow instructions?
Cats and Cat Lovers
Americans
See above.
The Women in my Life
If I have ever said anything to offend you, I am sorry. If you have ever been offended by anything I've said, you misunderstood me. As you know, I have devoted my life to making yours just a little brighter and if I have in any way failed in this duty as your son, brother, husband, father or paramour, I apologize.
The Person Who Just Farted Sitting Next to Me in the Restaurant I Presently Occupy
Wow. But you make a good point. Why do we waste our precious time on this planet being offended by others, or being afraid of offending them? As we all sit together in life's restaurant, we should all fart a little more (and little more audibly), and inhale a little more deeply when we hear the farts of others. We're human. We make mistakes. Better to laugh at the results than to cry foul. Pull my finger, friend. Pull my finger indeed.
How dare you!
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