While you might expect that hyper-competitiveness tendencies are somehow tied to participation in sports, in this case we're talking about a family that is virtually devoid of anything resembling athletic prowess.
I have no doubt that the h-c gene comes from my father's side and has been passed on to my children through me: My wife and my mother don't exhibit this trait, or at least it's so muted in them that it's virtually undetectable when they're around the rest of us. I think all three of my sisters got it (but to be fair, I'm not sure about one of them - only she and her family can comment on that.)
Now, rather than continue on and try to convince you that we're the most hyper-competitive people in the universe, I instead offer you the following h-c gene test. Do you or your loved ones carry it? Can you beat my family's high score? Go ahead and try:
1. When you aren't getting good dice rolls in Risk and it seems like that's all your opponent is getting, do you:
a) Not even notice?
b) Chuckle about your bad luck and keep hoping for better?
c) Carefully explain that you are actually winning because you are following the better strategy, even if the dice are doing their best to conspire against you?
d) "Accidentally" bump the board so that the pieces are irreparably misplaced and the game must end?
e) Carefully slide your fingers under the board, flip it in the air, shout obscenities and stomp off?
f) Nobody plays Risk with me anymore because they know they can't beat me (although they'd tell you it's because of c), d), or e) above)2. As a parent, when you are playing a game with one or more of your children, do you:
a) Choose games that are age-appropriate, then make sure that your children experience a happy balance of winning and losing so they learn that both are okay?
b) Put an honest effort into every game you play so that your children learn that it's okay to lose if that's what happens (and it usually does) and that it feels great to win (if and when that ever happens, which it doesn't)?
c) Put an honest effort into every game you play so that your children learn that it's okay to lose, and then celebrate your victories by stabbing your index finger at them while shouting "in your face" repeatedly?
d) Cheat, if you have to, to win?
e) Win constantly, until the first time you lose (e.g. at Ping Pong), then immediately announce that you're now too old to play the game (e.g. Ping Pong) anymore and never play again?
f) None of my children will play games with me anymore because they know they can't beat me (although they'd tell you it's because of c), d), or e) above).3. When your favourite sports team is in the midst of screwing up the game you're watching, do you:
a) Feel mildly disappointed, but think "We'll get 'em next time guys...way to go"?
b) Without waiting for the inevitable conclusion of the game, change the channel, go outside for a walk, go to bed, or otherwise remove yourself from the situation before you yell at someone who doesn't deserve it?
c) Yell at your spouse and/or kids if they happen to ask you how it's going, then find another way to justify your behaviour without admitting that it's just the frustration related to your team's failure?
d) Yell in fury at the screen, spouting profanity even if young children are present?
e) Throw things, including a tantrum?
f) I don't really have a favourite sports team anymore. And I won't until my former favourite sports team is competitive again, or my Doctor says it okay.4. When you and your spouse partner up to play Euchre against superior opponents (e.g. your brother and sister-in-law), and you're in the midst of a lengthy losing streak stretching back to a game you won only because you had 2 loner-hands that "coincidentally" appeared on both of your deals, do you:
a) Enjoy the game and the company, not worrying about inevitably extending the losing streak? ("We all win when we're having fun!")
b) Celebrate small moments during the game (like coming close to euchring your superior opponents, or almost getting a chance to call trump) and find solace in moral victories?
c) Inadvertently reveal what's in every hand you're dealt because you can't hide your growing anger at how bad your cards continue to be, or (very occasionally) your glee when they're good?
d) Blame the cards. I mean, actually accuse the cards - out loud - of choosing to be bad just for you and no one else.
e) When your fatigued opponents try to end the game so they can sleep at last, say in your best Clint Eastwood voice: "Nobody leaves until I get some f***ing cards"?
f) I don't play Euchre because it's mostly a game of luck and I'm the kind of person who would win every game if it was about strategy, but when there's luck involved it always seems to conspire against me.Scoring the Quiz
Give yourself 0 points for any a) answer, 1 point for any b) answer, 2 points for any c) answer, and so on up to e). For each f) answer, give yourself 1,000 points.
0-2 You do not carry the h-c gene.
3-5 The h-c gene is present, but you are a big enough person to suppress its impact.
5-16 The h-c gene is dominating your behaviour in unhealthy ways. Seek help.
1,000+ Thanks for taking the time to read my blog Daddy.
No comments:
Post a Comment