(Warning: May contain spoilers for shows that were broadcast in the '70s)
When I was a kid, I was really good with TV. The Toronto Star would come on Saturday, I'd go straight to StarWeek (the little TV guide supplement) and I'd plan my week's viewing. Which of my favourite shows had new episodes, and which were in reruns? What was going to happen in the new episodes?
The Angels take jobs in the corporate world when they are hired by the president of a big company to find out who is killing off his executives.
Hawkeye, Houlihan, and Klinger go to an aid station at the front. Working closely together under heavy fire and unsanitary medical conditions, the three return to camp with new found respect for one another.
Richie, Potsie, and Ralph stage a beauty contest at Arnold's in order to meet girls. They plan to enter a plant into the contest who won't accept the prizes when chosen as the winner. Richie is uneasy about this but reconsiders when a cheerleader he's interested in enters.
My family used to turn to
me to tell them what was on each night, what time and on what channel (there were only 5 or 6, so you'd think they'd have been able to figure it out themselves...) So did my friends. I was
the man when it came to TV. (According to my sisters, this was perhaps the only time when I was
the man, but I've brooded about that in other posts.)
In the Fall, sometime around Labour Day, the TV Guide Fall Preview would run descriptions of all of the new shows for the upcoming season (as would StarWeek, of course). You could read various (print) sources to find predictions about which shows would make it and which, sadly, would not. I would set aside a whole day when it was Fall Preview time, study up, form my own opinions about what to watch and what to skip, mark my calendar accordingly, then sleep easy that I'd be ready for the year.
Take 1973, for example:
The Bob Newhart Show, The Waltons, The Streets of San Francisco, Kung Fu, Maude, and M*A*S*H were debuting that year, as were Anna and the King, Bridget Loves Bernie, The Little People, The New Bill Cosby Show, and Hec Ramsey.
I don't remember what choices I made that year, but I do know that I watched The Waltons and M*A*S*H from episode one. Probably Bill Cosby too, since by then I had already been voraciously consuming his stand-up comedy on my Dad's LPs.
Point is, I could plan ahead, I could make my choices, I could set a schedule, and I could be in control of it all
Aside: My parents had some role in my TV viewing too, but mainly because my Dad would steal the set away from us to play Atari and mercilessly whip newcomers - who came as guests but left as vanquished foes - at 'Combat', a tank game.
Second aside: I know I've got my dates all jumbled up - Combat wasn't until 1977 so he wasn't stealing the set away from me in 1973. But who cares about accuracy when you're reminiscing and digressing from the real point you're trying to make.
Then things got better. VCRs came around and you could tape things and then rent things. Then DVDs arrived and you could rent even more things. Then more channels arrived. Then more channels arrived. Then more channels arrived. Then PVRs. Then Streaming. Then Netflix.
Until about 3 years ago (give or take) I still felt in control. I still chose my shows. I still consumed them in a fairly orderly fashion.
But that was 3 years ago. Today, I give up. I cry 'uncle'. UNCLE!
There's too much. I'm drowning. Fear the Walking Dead came back from its break and I didn't know about it until 3 weeks later (when I got around to looking at my PVR's recordings). Better Call Saul came back and I didn't get around to it until Episode 6. I see Orange is the New Black coming back with new episodes before I've gotten around to the last batch. House of Cards is back and I'm too busy trying to remember what 6 other shows I'm halfway through consuming to watch it (plus House of Cards seems quaint and old-fashioned, taking place as it does at a time when lying and cheating in Washington was frowned upon).
The PVR is filling up with shows. There's something new on Netflix daily. My wife and I have lost track of what shows we watch together and what shows we watch apart. And the youngsters (under 50) are telling me that I should be streaming all my content instead of using old-fashioned devices like TVs and PVRs at all. AAAAAAAAAAH!
TV, which used to be condemned as isolating, was in retrospect something that brought us all together. It used to be seen by some as a threat to the established patterns of life, when in retrospect it gave life a weekly cadence. It gave us seasons that were every bit as real as the four that Mother Nature gave us. I knew what I was going to be doing Wednesday night, and Thursday night, and Monday night. I knew I could take Friday and Saturday off and not miss anything. I knew that over the winter holidays and the summer break, I'd be doing something other than watching TV.
Now, it's always on always available and always good. I'M ALWAYS MISSING SOMETHING. AND NOT MISSING IT AT THE SAME F*&%$!#ING TIME.
I give up. No more. I'm going to watch sports and The Donald Trump Show and that's it. (And Walking Dead. And Fear the Walking Dead. And Better Call Saul. And Silicon Valley. And Game of Thrones when it's back. And new episodes of a handful of other things when they get dumped to Netflix. And a few other things like The Leftovers).
Other than that, I'm spending the rest of my time reading books and enjoying my family.
So there.
RETELLS THE ANCIENT, HALLOWED STORY OF THE BIBLE AS IF IT WERE HAPPENING TODAY - OR, TO PUT IT ANOTHER WAY, AS IF THE ANCIENTS HAD BEEN IN POSSESSION OF ALL THE FACILITIES AND KNOW-HOW CONNECTED WITH THE PRODUCTION OF A MODERN NEWSPAPER!
