A Joke

A man went away on a business trip.

After the first day on the trip, he got back to the hotel and called his wife. When she answered, he asked: "How are things at home?"

The troubled voice at the other end of the phone alarmed him:"Well...the truth is that things aren't so good. Billy got in trouble at school today. Right in the middle of class, he stood up and started pantomiming that he was guzzling booze and driving a car. When his teacher told him to sit down, he said 'I'm the Mayor of Toronto and I can do what I want'. When the teacher sent him to the Principal's office for his outburst, he squeezed her backside as he left the classroom."

The man was stunned and said, "That doesn't sound like Billy. Can you put him on the phone please?"

But his wife said, "Wait, there's more. On the way to the Principal's office, he was apparently shouting how the school was out to get him and that he didn't do anything wrong, and when other kids ran out of the other classrooms to see what was going on, he yelled 'I'm the Mayor of Toronto you can't do this to me' and started spewing profanities and threatening them with violence."

"Wow," was all the man could say to that. "Get him on the phone right away I need to deal with this."

"I'm not done yet," she said. "The Principal told me that when he got to her office, Billy pulled a straw out of his pocket, shoved it into the back of his pants, and told her that it was his crack pipe. When she ordered him to sit down, he said 'You can't make me, I'm the Mayor of Toronto' and he started staggering around, ranting gibberish and gesticulating wildly. She finally had to call in the Librarian and the Gym Teacher to subdue him, and then called me at work and asked me to come get him."

"This is horrible," the man said, "I can't believe you had to deal with this while I'm away. What did you do?"

"I went into the school, of course. When I got to the office, Billy was sitting calmly and immediately apologized to me for his behavior. He said that he must have been in some kind of stupor and that he might have done some of the things that his teacher and the Principal said he did, but he couldn't remember. The Principal suspended him for a week and sent us home. When I took his arm to drag him out to the car, he started crying. He cried the whole way home, complaining about how the school was being so unfair to him and that he refused to stay away from school. 'They can't treat the Mayor of Toronto this way, they'll see!'"

"What did you do about all this?" the man asked. "Do you need me to talk to him?"

"Well... you can't, honey. Billy's not home. You see what I haven't told you yet is that he's in the hospital. They're keeping him overnight just to make sure he doesn't have Salmonella."

"Salmonella? Salmonella? What are you talking about? What does that have to do with his behavior?"

With a sob his wife answered, "When we got home, I was so mad at him that I sent him directly up to his room. A few minutes later I heard what sounded like high-pitched screaming. When I threw open his door, he was sitting on the floor eating the cat."