What's the Internet Trying to Tell You?

For years now, the folks down at the Internet have been carefully studying each of us - our habits, the sites we visit, what we buy, who we connect to, etc. so they can deliver "personalized" content based on what they learn.

It suddenly struck me this morning (unlike the guy in the Audi who ran the light the other day) that I should be able to gain some interesting personal insights by paying attention to the ads I'm offered on Google, the e-mails I receive from Amazon, the uninvited spam I get from all over the place, and so on. Better than visiting a fortune-teller, right?

So, what has the internet apparently figured out about me?

• Amazon is enticing me with "the Best Science Fiction Novels--Hugo Award Winners". I'm a nerd.
• Groupon thinks I might want (need?) "Age-Management Facial Treatments". I'm getting old.
• Starwood is wondering why I haven't been travelling lately. Aeroplan and Priceline seem to be wondering the same thing. I make my purchase decisions solely based on who's offering me the most points (guilty as charged).
• ScholarshipsCanada is desperately trying to figure out why I'm talking to it about University scholarships while its good friend iTunes keeps delivering me pre-school television shows. EITHER I am nuts (or just careless) and have kids at both ends of the spectrum, OR I'm on my second marriage (can't be, Groupon would have known that), OR I'm secretly raising someone else's unhappy surprise. 
• According to text-spam, I keep winning free iPads. I'm stupid and/or a Leafs fan.
• And not that it's the same thing, but Facebook has apparently decided that enough is enough and I'm moving to Timeline whether I like it or not. I must learn to conform.

I could go on, but you get the picture. What's the Internet trying to tell you?