Let's talk about global warming. No, I don't want to talk about "the rise in the average temperature of Earth's atmosphere and oceans since the late 19th century and its projected continuation" (from Wikipedia); rather, I want to talk about the term "global warming".
Still with Wikipedia's explanation of global warming: "Over the 21st century, climate change is likely to adversely affect hundreds of millions of people through increased coastal flooding, reductions in water supplies, increased malnutrition and increased health impacts.Most economic studies suggest losses of world gross domestic product for this magnitude of warming."
Nothing short of a global disaster that threatens the very existence of humankind, right? And what term do we use to wake people up to the threat? "Global Warming", a light and fluffy label that sounds like it would make things a little better than they are.
After all, we go to a "house warming" to celebrate when people move in to their lovely new digs. We call it "heart warming" when something really nice happens. You have "warm words" for someone you like. You feel "warm inside" when you're deeply contented. And I'm just "warming up".
"Global warming" sounds like something we should be excited about: "Let's all celebrate that our planet is becoming increasingly nice, and that as a result we will feel deep contentment. There will be cake".
We don't call a potentially disastrous influenza pandemic "world-wide time in bed"; an approaching meteor whose impact on the planet will potentially cause extinction of all that we know isn't referred to as "a great big rocky visitor"; a zombie apocalypse isn't "a planetary reunion"; and the devastation of nuclear war isn't an "earth-wide magic mushroom party".
If you think I'm now going to suggest more appropriately frightening terms with which we should replace "Global Warming" you don't know me. I'm instead going to suggest that since we're already using such a benign term, we might as well call it something with more zing, more zazz, more pop.
I propose the term: Season Surfing.
For what's been happening recently in Toronto, I think season surfing better hits the mark: In January, I've got green grass one day, a blanket of snow the next day, a muddy swamp a few days later, then even greener grass the day after that. The lovely white canvass on which we've made snow men, snow angels, a snow fort, and one kick-ass igloo has all the permanence of an Etch-a-Sketch.
And season surfing extends beyond the weather. Toronto sports fans spent November and December talking only about baseball. The stores don't seem to care anymore what time of year it is; they're always stocked with goods for events that are a whole season away (Halloween in the summer, Christmas in the fall, Valentine's day over the Christmas break, Back-to-School before school is out...?) And television, which used to follow a very orderly, seasonal pattern - September premieres, November sweeps, January cancellations, May season or series finales, and Summer doldrums - is now completely cycle-free (especially when most of us are watching whatever we want whenever we want online, using PVRs, etc.)
Yes, it seems to me that our Creator, or Mother Nature, or maybe Darwin is playing with a great big remote - flipping channels to try to find something better that's on. And as a result we, fellow humans, are living under the very dark cloud of season surfing. At least the term implies a call-to-action -- grab a board and ride-it-out!
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