Reflections on a Fateful Question

I meet a lot of new people all the time. And when people first meet (at least in a business setting) there are only a handful of topics available for small talk, prompted by clever openers like:

• "This weather's crazy, huh?".
• "Where are you from?"
• "What do you do?"
• "That was some game last night, eh?"
• "What kind of phone is that?"
• "Do you have kids?"
• "It's amazing the range of oral hygiene alternatives available these days, isn't it? Take this great new gum..."

But it's the "Do you have kids?" opener I want to talk about. I think in the last week, I've had the opportunity to answer that one at least 3 times. Truth is, I love answering that one.

"Do you have kids?"                 "Yes, I've got three."

"Girls or boys?"                        "Girls."

"Wow, three girls. How old?"   "20, 18 and 3."

It's at this point, that I usually volunteer the answers to two unasked questions: "Yes, it was on purpose and yes, they're all with the same wife." And from there, I can categorize the person I'm talking to based on their reaction:

• The parent with teenagers: "What were you thinking?" or "You are brave."
• The happy empty-nester: "Wow. I can't imagine doing all that again."
• The less-happy empty-nester: "Do the older ones visit a lot to see the 3-year-old?"
• The parent with young children: "That's great, the older ones must be a huge help with the 3-year-old."
• The non-parent: "What kind of phone is that?"

Making the decision about five years ago to have a third was absolutely the right thing for us. The older two were in High School and it was clear they weren't going to stay children forever. My wife had just lost her father. We were in our 40's and still healthy, vibrant people. We had proven that we could raise good stock. And we thought there was a chance that if we had a third, it could be a boy (although my preference was always a girl).

The decision wasn't brave. It wasn't stupid. It wasn't calculating. It wasn't made in a moment of weakness. To me, it was barely a decision. (Just to be clear: This is my blog and refelcts only my perspectives. My wife might tell you otherwise).

On reflection, I wouldn't say the journey has been an easy one - especially for my wife. Today (still on the journey, but a little it down the road), we're mature parents with two girls in University and this bright, articulate, high-energy, creative, stubborn, challenging, continuous-motion little girl. I'm crawling around on the floor, playing with dolls and with cars, teaching her to read, teaching her it's okay to lose (well, planning to teach her it's okay to lose), building forts, fighting with her at bedtime, begging her to try new foods, and cherishing the few quiet minutes we have between her (actual) bedtime and mine. 

But we're also old enough and wise enough to cherish the time we spend with her. Our other two daughters have distinct, yet equally amazing relationships with her. And she is like a prism / sponge, soaking up absolutely every bit each of us gives her and bending it into beautiful new colours that are distinctly her own.

So go ahead and ask me if I have kids.Yes, I've got three. They're all girls. They're 20, 18 and 3. And no, we're not planning on having a fourth.