They are only alive because my wife and I took good care of them when they were little. Their safety was always foremost in our minds, spotting danger miles away and doing all we could to keep them from it (except for the occasional tumble down the stairs). They were girls, mind you, so they might have survived without our constant attention...but still.
What they don't know is that the world wasn't always such a safe place and parents weren't always aware of the dangers that lurked around every corner. Allow me to explain.
Birthday Cakes
Parents used to think it was fun to bake cellophane-wrapped coins into birthday cakes. This was before they were aware that little kids could choke on things like coins, or that things like coins and cellophane leaked toxins when heated. Or was it just an annual reminder - on the anniversary of the day they brought us into the world - that they still had the power to change their mind?
Seat Belts
Imagine this: There weren't seat belts in back seats of cars for a long, long time. We used to sit, stand, lie, walk around, play tennis (and so on) all while the car was in motion. Tired children used to be placed gently on the floor of the car, swaddled in warm blankies, their cute little noses pecked ever so gently, before late night drives home. And in the front seat, there was the driver's seat and the "suicide seat" - also not equipped with seat belts. The only air bag in the car was the adult who wasn't driving. Good thing that drunk driving, distracted driving, and speeders weren't around back then either.
Halloween
We used to go out alone on Halloween. No parents. No cell phones. No GPS chip implants. Just a bunch of kids, dressed up in disguises ringing neighbours' doorbells asking for handouts. Mind you, this was before pedophiles, so what was the harm? We used to ask for UNICEF coins too, so that when birthday time rolled around our parents would have extra change to bake into our cakes.
Pesticides, Fertilizers and other Toxins
Nothing was too good for lawns back then. And nothing felt better than rolling around on a freshly sprayed lawn, picking lush, green blades of grass, holding them to your mouth and making a beautiful whistling sound. Ah, the sweet smells of childhood.
Nutrition
Before all those stick-in-the-mud nutritionists came along, food was food and eating was fun. French fries were a vegetable (potato), ice cream was a healthy dessert (it contained milk, after all), and chicken skin was the "crispy" part that everybody fought over. Vegetarians were pariahs. Gluten didn't exist yet. We ate meat at every meal, ate cereal that bore more of a resemblance to candy than whole grains, and washed it all down with Coke. (Note to Americans who are reading this: in Canada some of these practices have stopped.)
Smoking
Smoking was everywhere. Everywhere. On the street, at work, at nursery school, in restaurants, in malls, on airplanes, in hotel rooms, ... everywhere. Second-hand smoke was when you picked up a partially-smoked cigarette butt off the street and re-lit it. (Or sometimes, you could get second-hand smoke by rolling down the window of your car and catching a partially-smoked cigarette butt that a passing car had gently tossed in your direction - which might have interrupted a back-seat tennis match, but was a refreshing break nonetheless.)
Bullying
Not a problem back in the day. No anti-bullying laws necessary. It's just what parents did.
In Conclusion
Girls...you might think we're rotten, over-protective, micro-managing, smothering morons who don't know anything about what it is to be young. But not only do we know, we also survived it. You should thank your lucky stars everyday that we're your parents and that you live in these times.
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